her say: Dan's partner answers back

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Alot of women wouldn’t like their relationship opened up to public scrutiny in a monthly magazine. But it’s never really bothered me. I’d like to think it’s because I don’t feel insecure about myself or my relationship with Dan, but hey, maybe I’m just pretty thick-skinned.
What has been more fascinating is the way those around me have reacted to Dan opening up about our relationship over the last 18 months.

I’ve had friends who have been outraged (“But, Sam,” one wailed, “he says he checks out other women on a daily basis! Plus, he says all other men do it too!”); others who’ve watched us with a steely eye (yes, talking about your sex life in a national magazine will do that) and those who now think Dan is the Yoda of relationships (“Dan, what’s your take on … ” is a familiar conversation starter).

Of course, there are the odd columns I’m not a fan of. One that comes to mind? Oh, that’ll be the one about his ex-girlfriend. As every woman knows, exes are always a touchy subject. No one likes to know that another woman broke your partner’s heart. Neither do we like to know that there was a “one” before you became “The One”. That was tough. We sat down. We talked it through. Weirdly, it made us stronger.

People often ask me if Dan ever consults me before he writes a column. The answer is no. And you know what? I’m okay with that.

I know Dan is outspoken; I know he doesn’t sugar-coat things. He’s not saying what he knows women want to hear; he’s saying what he thinks they need to hear. In fact, that was part of his charm when we first met. It’s always a surprise, then, when I read Dan’s columns – and, yes, not always a good one. The column about fake breasts and why he likes them? I hope he was just stirring the pot with that one. But his columns have also given me a greater understanding of Dan and our relationship. Through them he’s touched upon subjects that in our six years together we may never have gotten around to talking about. (And for the record, I loved finding out that he used to brush his teeth before I woke up in the morning when we were first dating. Who knew?!)

Dan may not seem it, but he is actually a very sensitive guy and has been a bit emotionally roughed-up by the angry responses he’s had to some of his columns. Some women got pretty heated after he wrote about why a woman should take the man’s surname when they get married, and I’ll admit it, that one even caused a few discussions in our house. After all, I feel a woman should be able to choose whether she wants to take her husband’s name. I don’t think it should be a given. In fact, I still haven’t decided whether to take Dan’s name when we’re married. But I do know one thing: it will be our decision, not his alone.

Dan’s not perfect, but he doesn’t pretend he is, either. He can be quite traditional due to his upbringing, but I don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing. I had a very liberal upbringing, so the combination works: we balance each other out.
I knew that Dan and I would probably end up together forever within months of us meeting. He liked the same things as me and we just had this very calm and very stable relationship pretty much from day one.
I like that he writes a column in madison, not least because I think we’ve gotten to know each other better through it. We now joke that if we ever have a daughter, we should call her Madison.